Quando l’entusiasmo di insegnare lascia il posto all’ansia, fuggire è inutile: storia di Marta

Marta è un’insegnante di lungo corso, oramai vicina alla pensione. Tuttavia l’entusiasmo che l’ha accompagnata fin dall’inizio della professione docente si esaurisce, lasciando repentinamente spazio all’ansia.

Marta è un’insegnante di lungo corso, oramai vicina alla pensione. Tuttavia l’entusiasmo che l’ha accompagnata fin dall’inizio della professione docente si esaurisce, lasciando repentinamente spazio all’ansia.

Le povere strategie di adattamento utilizzate falliscono impietosamente fino a far prevalere l’atteggiamento della fuga prima e della depressione poi. L’isolamento sul posto di lavoro, l’ostilità del dirigente, l’indifferenza dei colleghi e l’aggressione di alcuni genitori precipitano la situazione nello sconforto più totale. Anche la vita familiare ne risente per due ragioni: per l’incomprensione del coniuge (verosimilmente schiacciato dai soliti stereotipi sugli insegnanti) e per l’attenzione di Marta ossessivamente focalizzata sul suo problema professionale. Quale può essere la via di scampo da una situazione apparentemente priva di soluzioni?

Alla storia fanno seguito spunti e riflessioni nell’ordine proposto dalla docente stessa.

Gentile dottore,

insegno materie letterarie nella scuola media dal lontano 1979. Avevo 24 anni. Tre anni dopo ero già in ruolo e con posto fisso. Una vita dedicata all’insegnamento, quasi una missione portata avanti con dedizione ed entusiasmo cercando di coinvolgere gli alunni sull’importanza della cultura e di tutto ciò che ne consegue. Si sono lasciati coinvolgere piacevolmente dalle mie passioni, l’amore per i viaggi, per la geografia, la fotografia. Ho sempre cercato di educarli alla correttezza, all’onestà, al rispetto di se stessi, degli altri, del mondo. I genitori sono stati per lo più collaborativi con me supportandomi  nel discorso educativo, apprezzando il mio metodo didattico, soddisfatti dei  risultati positivi che i figli continuavano ad avere anche  alle Superiori. Con tanti ragazzi, ormai grandi, continuo ad avere un ottimo rapporto fatto di complicità, scambio di vedute, consigli verso scelte future ecc. Ovviamente non sono mancati, per qualche insufficienza, problemi con alcuni genitori, ma tutto poi è rientrato nella norma. Questo fino a sei anni fa quando la mia scuola è diventata Istituto Comprensivo sotto la guida del direttore della scuola elementare. A questo punto la mia carriera scolastica ha subito un crollo spaventoso. Tutto è partito dal mio DS, conosciuto in zona per il suo carattere freddo e distaccato. Sicuramente invidioso del mio part-time di quel periodo. Ha iniziato con i rimproveri, accusandomi di tutto: dall’orario pesante per i ragazzi (su tre giorni alterni), le insufficienze, il carico dei compiti, la classe che non si forma per la mia severità… Poi è passato alle minacce anche inviate con posta certificata. Ho iniziato ad avere problemi dermatologici da stress, insonnia, cefalee. Ne parlai con lui (ci rise rispondendomi che lui al contrario dormiva molto bene). Andai a parlarne con il Provveditore, non nuovo a lamentele nei confronti di tale DS. Per un po’ tutto si è calmato poi, due anni fa, sono stata aggredita con ingiurie e minacce da un genitore (conosciuto per piccoli problemi giudiziari) per aver dato 5 al figlio. Ho sporto denuncia, iniziando anche a collezionare assenze su assenze, a fare avanti e indietro con il Pronto Soccorso per sospetti problemi cardiaci. Mi è stato diagnosticato il burnout e un notevole indebolimento dell’Io. A settembre 2014 sono rientrata a scuola nell’indifferenza di colleghi e dirigente che non hanno speso una parola a mio favore. Nel frattempo si sono aggiunti ulteriori problemi: stato d’ansia continuo, per il timore di sbagliare o dimenticare qualcosa sul registro elettronico; tremore diffuso quando ho dovuto necessariamente dare delle insufficienze; disorientamento nell’organizzare programmazioni (di fatto già inseriti nel mio PC da anni), nella stesura dei verbali, forti cefalee e perdite momentanee di memoria. Ho fatto poche sedute con uno psichiatra che mi ha certificato :”disturbo da stress post-traumatico con compromissione del funzionamento sociale e lavorativo. Poi per motivi vari ho mollato credendo di potercela fare da sola. A metà gennaio mi si è parato davanti l’ennesimo ostacolo, gli scrutini, timore dei colleghi e DS. Ho iniziato con i permessi per malattia che ho protratto fino al 30 giugno. Ho già usufruito di dodici dei diciotto mesi di malattia (sono già con la riduzione sullo stipendio). Nel frattempo mi documento, quasi in modo maniacale, ore e ore sul cellulare e al Pc, su una improbabile pensione anticipata. Ho chiesto sia a Provveditorato che sindacato di poter essere occupata in altro incarico, anche bidella. Niente. Ho solo 38 anni di contributi, 60 di età e non ci sono scappatoie. Ho proposto a mio marito di trasferirci. Le lascio immaginare il seguito. Anche lui non ne può più di questa storia, ma non riesce realmente a comprendere il mio generale malessere. Salutandolo questa mattina gli ho detto: “Tra i due mali, quello di rientrare a scuola sarebbe il minore”. Ormai a casa è l’unico argomento all’ordine del giorno. Non ho scappatoie, quello che è certo è che a scuola non entrerò più: ho difficoltà anche a passare nelle sue vicinanze. Purtroppo sia mia madre che i miei suoceri 90enni abitano a poche decine di metri dall’edificio scolastico. Che fare!? A volte strane idee mi passano per la testa…..

Mi scusi lo sfogo, ho cercato di essere più sintetica che potevo.

Riflessioni

  1. Marta possiede un’anzianità di servizio di tutto rispetto (36 anni), sembra non aver rimpianti ed è contenta di ciò che ha fatto e soprattutto di come l’ha fatto. Tutto sembra procedere bene, quando improvvisamente (2009) interviene un doppio cambiamento: la scuola diviene Istituto Comprensivo ed arriva un nuovo Dirigente Scolastico. La prima banale considerazione consiste nell’affermare che ogni cambiamento porta con sé un problema. Questo deve essere detto per tutti coloro che vedono nei trasferimenti una “terra promessa”. In 9 casi su 10, chi nutre queste aspettative, resta deluso. La docente ha inoltre uno svantaggio: non è più giovanissima ed è pertanto dotata di una flessibilità ridotta rispetto ai suoi 30 anni. Il caso ci insegna che sentirsi immuni e scevri da rischi di fronte a un qualsiasi cambiamento è un’ingenuità.
  2. Il dirigente diviene l’oggetto degli incubi di Marta che lo descrive come persona fortemente negativa: “freddo, distaccato, invidioso, minaccioso, colpevolizzante, beffardo”. Lo scontro sembra polarizzato col preside ma, non appena sedato per il colloquio col Provveditore, ecco un altro attacco da parte di un genitore che si lamenta per un’insufficienza data al figlio. Due le riflessioni in proposito: i conflitti bruciano tremende quantità di energia ed è buona regola cercare di non averne affatto, oppure di sostenerne non più di uno alla volta, lasciando ampio spazio temporale tra gli stessi, al fine di recuperare le energie. Non è infatti un caso se Marta esplode proprio dopo il secondo conflitto, quando non sono recuperate ancora le energie impegnate nelle scaramucce col DS.
  3. La sintomatologia che Marta descrive è ingravescente e segue fasi distinte: dapprima dermatiti, insonnia, cefalee; in seconda battuta ansia, tremori, amnesie, palpitazioni cardiache che richiedono frequenti puntate in Pronto Soccorso; infine il timore del DS e dei colleghi (quelli stessi che peraltro “mi avevano accorto nell’indifferenza al rientro della lunga malattia”) con relative e coincidenti diagnosi di burnout (psicologica) e di disturbo post-traumatico da stress (medica) con compromissione del funzionamento sociale e lavorativo. Il culmine è raggiunto, una volta abbandonato inopinatamente l’aiuto psicologico in corso, con l’innesco di un doppio ossessivo delirio di fuga sul fronte professionale (farei anche la bidella) e personale/familiare (il trasferimento), quale unica salvifica soluzione. Fuga (frequenti assenze fino alla riduzione dello stipendio) ed evitamento (non sopportare di transitare nemmeno vicino alla scuola) sono il corollario del corredo sintomatologico fin qui descritto.
  4. Isolamento a scuola e incomprensione in famiglia non possono consentire una semplice via d’uscita. Tuttavia sarà compito di Marta rivedere come affrontare il problema e il conseguente approccio ai suoi interlocutori. Per far comprendere il suo problema (che è reale seppure ignorato per i famosi stereotipi) deve smettere di proporre al marito di trasferirsi, ma può coinvolgerlo nella lettura di articoli e studi scientifici che possono destrutturare i luoghi comuni. Al DS e ai suoi colleghi potrà chiedere cosa è stato fatto per prevenire lo Stress Lavoro Correlato nella scuola (art. 28 D.L. 81/08) chiedendo copia del DVR e proponendosi di aiutare a trovare idonea soluzione (ricordiamo che tale incombenza rientra fra i doveri medico-legali del datore di lavoro). La via d’uscita può dunque essere trovata ribaltando dunque la logica dei rapporti con gli interlocutori per trasformare il conflitto in alleanza e condivisione. Una strada in salita, ma portatrice di speranza.

Ringraziamo Marta per averci consentito di riflettere su alcuni passaggi della sua storia, consigliandola altresì di farsi aiutare e supportare da specialisti come ha fatto in passato. Il conflitto e la fuga possono costituire l’unica reazione di fronte allo scontento e alla disperazione solamente quando si resta soli, incompresi e con “strani pensieri”.

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